时尚男女们学习学习~英语幽默对话

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1.Our co-worker went missing for a few

　　hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired."

　　我的同事有好几小时不见人了。我们疯了地到处找他。最后老板发现，他正在睡大觉。没叫醒他，老板悄无声息地在我的同事的胸前放了个纸条。“睡觉时”，条上写着，“你是我的员工，醒来你就不是了。”

　　2.Shave head 刮头

　　Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. "Eight dollars," I answered. "And for a shave?" "Five dollars." "All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head."

　　前些日子，有一男的来到我的理发店，问剪一个头要多少钱。

　　“八美元，”我告诉他。

　　“那，刮次胡子呢？”

　　“五美元”。

　　“那行”，那男的边说边坐到了理发椅上，“来，给我刮刮头吧”。

　　3.The mean man's party 吝啬鬼请客 　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to

　　　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You are not coming empty-handed, are you?"

　　　　一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

　　　　“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

　　　　“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

　　3.Poisonous snakes 毒蛇

　　A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. The son asks, "Dad，are we poisonous snakes?" The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?" "Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!"

　　一个阳光明媚的下午，蛇父亲和蛇儿子出去散步。儿子问：“爸爸，我们是毒蛇吗？”父亲得意的答道：“当然了，孩子，我们是响尾蛇啊！为什么这么问呢？”“因为，我刚把舌头咬破了！”

　　4.Keys to Success 成功的关键

　　One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.'

　　"What is cleverness?" asked his son.

　　"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.

　　一天，父亲教育儿子说：“一个人成功的关键就是严守诺言和足够聪明。一旦你给了别人承诺，无论发生什么事，你都得实现它，这个就叫‘守诺言’。”

　　儿子问：“那么什么是聪明呢？”

　　父亲回答：“聪明就是任何时候都别做这样的承诺。”

　　5.five Hundred Times 五百遍

　　In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."

　　在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。”

　　6.好消息＆坏消息

　　An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

　　"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."

　　一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”

　　“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么？”带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。

　　7.Psychological Test 心理学测试 The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

　　一位刚刚做完一场有关心理健康讲座的心理学指导老师，正在进行一个口头测试。

　　Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

　　测试主题定为躁狂抑郁症，她问道：“你将怎样诊断这样的一个病人，他先是来回走着并大声叫喊了一分钟，然后坐在一张椅子上失控般地哭泣。”

　　A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

　　一个坐在后面的年轻人举手答道：“他是一个篮球教练？” 8.How much is four minus four? 四减四可以不等于零吗？ One day, the teacher inquired Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied.

　　　　一天，老师问彼得:“4减4等于几？”彼得张口结舌答不上来。

　　　　The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"

　　　　老师生气地说:“真笨！比如我给你衣袋里装进4个硬币，可你衣袋上有个窟窿，硬币全从这里漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里还剩下什么？”

　　　　"The hole." replied Peter.

　　　　“还剩下个窟窿。”彼得答道。

　　9.昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打” Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？

　　　　体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？

　　　　Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

　　　　尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！

　　　　Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

　　　　老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

　　　　Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

　　　　尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(

　　10.一则英语笑话测试你的英语水平

　　I have heard one sad story of a hitchhiker who went into a shop and saw the sign "Lift" but found it too heavy, then saw the sign "Pet Supplies" so he did, this wasn't too bad but then he went outside and saw the sign "Compact Cars" and went to prison for ten years.

　　A：一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见Lift(千斤顶)的标签，看见Pet Supplies(宠物用品)的标签，看见Compact Cars(小轿车)的标签，最后却被关进监狱，判刑十年。

　　B：我曾听说过一个倒霉的故事，有一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见Lift标签，想抢一个千斤顶，但千斤顶太重，所以没抢；看见Pet Supplies标签，抢了一些宠物用品，不过宠物用品并不值几个钱，所以罪行并不严重；但当他走出商店时，看见Compact Cars标签，他又抢了一辆小轿车，所以最后他被警察逮住，坐牢十年。

　　C:这段话其实是一个笑话，其中的Lift、Pet和Compact，并不是名词或形容词，而是动词，意思分别是：举起、抚摸和压扁，因此这段话的真正意思是：我曾听说过一个倒霉的故事，有一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见一个标签上写着“举起来”，可是那个东西太重了；看见一个标签上写着“拍拍商品”，于是就拍了拍，这也没什么；但当他走出商店时，又看见一个标签，上面写着“砸汽车”，结果被判坐牢十年。

wuyue3210

在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。” 我看过这个！~